So far 2019 has exceeded my expectations and I am enjoying the peak. I learned to enjoy the peaks as you never know when a valley might come SO talk about truly living in the moment for the moment.
I started on a high early January when I noticed my natural hair color starting to come back. Don’t get me wrong I am blessed to have hair but watching it change due to chemo was hard but then change back so rapidity when I stopped the meds was unbelievably exciting. Having my natural hair made me feel healthy again.
I then met with my medical oncologist, Dr Rioth. He shared my liver scans came back clean – no Mets (yippe) and I asked him my normal laundry list of questions and his reply to all was…”Lindsay – it’s time to enjoy life!” SO – NO more chemo (no nasty side effects – GI, crazy yellow hair and super sensitive skin). NO planned treatments and I CAN resume all activity. It was amazing to hear but took me about a week to really soak it all in and breathe – the past 22 months I have always had something that was holding me back.
The middle of January I joined the rest of my ATI Nursing family (work) in San Diego for our annual national business meeting. I was anxious to be in a large crowd wearing my glasses patch but the anxiety instantly went away when I saw many I have worked with for years. The glasses patch provided laughs and conversation which I welcomed. My team also surprised me with picture collage celebrating 10 years with the company. It was fun to laugh about the pictures and again felt so lucky to work for a great company with even better people. I am truly grateful for the love, friendship and support my company has provided me throughout the past ten years. They have seen me at my best and worse and always been there cheering me along.
I then went back to Orange Theory, OT. OT has been the only workout routine I have loved since high school basketball. The program holds me accountable to show up and I always leave stronger and happier. By going back to OT I also found a new sense of internal strength. I may not be running or rowing my fastest times, but it feels so good to get back into the routine.
And then my highlight of the whole month – this past Monday, I got my ‘pretty eye.’ The experience was seamless, the process to make ‘my eye’ was mind blowing, and the day was full of many laughs and happy tears. The ocularist instantly made me smile and feel grateful as he was blown away by my eye movement. He said he hasn’t seen a skin grapf (my orbital implant) move as well as mine did, especially being a second surgery. To be told good news was amazing as each step of my journey I have been the one that hears the worst case scenario, the rare of the rare. Yesterday was best case! We also laughed as it was two right eyed people looking at each other. My ocularist had his eye removed when he was in high school during a hockey accident – He’s now been making eyes for 44 years. The ultimate highlight was seeing Paul’s face when my new ‘pretty eye’ was revealed. I know he loves me, but his smile was like the smile I saw on our wedding day. Paul has been my rock since we were 18 and today was amazing to enjoy and celebrate another win in life together. It was also fun seeing the kids reactions. Connelly was excited to have a ‘normal’ looking mom and Cannon and Caden wanted me to pop it out, flip it upside down and have fun with it. I guess the perks of having a one eyed mom, lol. And – I have to say I have looked in the mirror more in the past week then I have in months as I actually like what I see, the new me….new beginnings.
So – 2019….don’t let me down and don’t hold me back – I have some big plans for the rest of the year!
To everyone on my roller coaster ride. THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart.
More info on my ‘pretty eye’, the prosthetic lens: I have an orbital implant attached to my eye muscles. My implant is a skin graft (taken from my hip fat) to hold the shape and provide movement. This is all attached under my eye skin so if I am not wearing a lens (my ‘pretty eye’) it looks white with no pupil. My ‘pretty eye’ which was custom made is plastic, very similar to a thick contact lens. It pops into my socket, over the skin. As my orbital implant moves based on my eye muscles the new lens/my ‘pretty eye’ moves too. It’s recommended that I keep my ‘pretty eye’ in as much as possible, remove once a year for cleanings BUT I can take it out as I like. To make my custom ‘pretty eye’ it consisted of 3 visits all in the same day. (1) make the mold custom to my eye (2) paint the eye (3) fitting. It was painless and seamless! Wow – no more patch – I now have my ‘pretty eye’ and I can’t stop smiling.
TODAY LIFE IS GOOD! Tomorrow – LIFE WILL BE GOOD TOO! I am OK!